Chapter 6: Feeling deprived

For those of you hoping that this is another update, I’m sorry to disappoint you. One will be coming as soon as I’m out of hospital again – I’ve been in here since the last blog post – day 20 and counting…

This post is more of a general rant / things I’ve realised while being in here for this length of time. Now, I’m fully aware that there are people out there who do much longer stints in hospital than 3 weeks, but this is the longest run I’ve ever had. It’s halfway through June practically and I haven’t seen any of it.

I’ve become very aware, especially today, that as well as being boring and repetitive and frustrating, hospital is a very isolating and depriving place. You are forced into a routine that you don’t want. You have very little choice over the meals you can eat. You cannot get a full nights sleep without being woken multiple times. You have no sense of the weather outside.

This evening, after being moved to a different room for the fourth time this stay, I sat on the window ledge and looked out at the same view I see from most rooms. The sky was the most gorgeous shade of soft pink and I could almost imagine being sat out in the warm evening air just listening to the sounds of the evening. If I concentrated really hard and got right up close to the window I think I could hear the birds outside, or maybe I was just hoping I could…

 

I could see people across the other side of the building with their windows open and I was so envious. The windows are screwed shut in the oncology and haematology wards to keep the rooms as sterile as possible. I never thought a room could be so silent and so noisy at the same time. The only sound I can hear is the whirring of the ventilation system, constantly replacing the air in the room with fresh. Sure I have TV and I can listen to the radio or music on my phone, but I miss the sounds of normal life. I miss birdsong at 4am. I miss the sounds of traffic passing the house. I miss dogs barking and people talking and the wind in the trees. I am counting down until I can stand outside and just listen.

 

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2 thoughts on “Chapter 6: Feeling deprived

  1. Lucy you have been through so much We are proud of you !!
    There will be a million sunsets and lovely skies to enjoy once this is done !!!
    We send our love xxxxx
    The Grahams xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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